Why Is My Son So Angry? Understanding Teen Male Anger
BLOGPOST #2
If you’re parenting a teenage boy, you’ve likely seen flashes of anger that leave you wondering, “Where is this coming from?” You’re not alone. Anger is one of the most common (and often misunderstood) emotional expressions in adolescent boys.
What looks like anger on the surface is often a cover for more vulnerable emotions: sadness, shame, fear, or helplessness. For many boys, anger becomes a “safe” emotion, one that feels powerful, protective, and familiar. Unfortunately, this means other feelings stay hidden, even from themselves.
Our culture doesn’t always give boys the language or permission to express softer emotions. They may have learned early on that crying or admitting hurt is seen as weak. As a result, when they feel overwhelmed or insecure, it may come out as yelling, slamming doors, or shutting down.
As a parent, your role isn’t to eliminate your son’s anger but to help him begin to understand it.
Supporting your son starts with staying calm and curious in the face of his strong emotions. Instead of pushing for immediate answers, ask open-ended questions like, “What was going on before that happened?” or “Did something catch you off guard today?” While he may not offer an insightful response right away, your steady presence and the invitation to reflect will begin to build trust and open the door for future conversations.
What Helps:
Model emotional literacy by naming your own feelings.
Normalize emotional complexity: “It’s okay to feel sad, mad, and confused all at once.”
Help him connect the dots between his body (tight fists, fast heartbeat) and his emotional state.
When we listen with empathy and help our sons build emotional awareness, we equip them to respond instead of react. That’s the real work of emotional growth and it starts at home.
- Author, David Paul